I'm kindof freaked out about my cock not getting up this morning. Cove over later so I can sort this out. Do not post this on texts from last night.
Damn that would have been a great one. Hahah and don't worry...
I know, he also has a fancy car to make up for his tiny penis
I feel like death. Did you die last night?
Nope. Ready for round 2. Fiesta!
unreal. Greatest comeback since Jesus
k, so I just picked a four leaf clover, then saw my dads penis. Lucky? I think not.
i love my job...i have craft hour at my desk w twizzlers
can u grab me a application
I'm pretty sure a girl doesn't give it up with a reverse cow girl...
Yeah. We was talkin. Its ok. My bed is too filled with pam for sex. Its like a slip and slide of butter product.
Why the fuck is the royal wedding at 4am. That is obviously not the most appropriate time to drink during finals. It's like I'm bound to fail, by royal decree.
False alarm I know hes alive because when i tried shaking him awake he pissed his pants and rolled over..
Has my life seriously led me to day drinking on a Monday the third week of the semester?
It's after 5, it's not day drinking.
All three shower stalls were filled with couples fucking and then someone yelled "switch" and... We switched
Guess who has two thumbs and broke her boyfriends dick?
Dude, my vagina feels like new again! I love antibiotics. How's your day?
I was actually kind of excited. I mean, how many people can say they've been question by the CIA?
Remember when you laughed that I downloaded a “fireplace” station on my Roku? I just woke up butt naked on my couch with my fireplace station playing. So there, guess that shows you. Now excuse me while I go back to sleep in front of my fireplace.
Randomize
