my text book just quoted the cookie monster
Pass out mid-funnel last night.
and when he finished he handed me a baby wipe so i could clean up. i'm ok with the fact that he has kids, but not sure how to react to this.
It's like salsa. But with balls in it. I like to call it balsa
I'm doing lines by myself in the kitchen. I think your outside. yeah that's you. your naked.
He wants a "vagina fling" before he commits to dick for life. I'm gonna allow it.
The best part about drinking boxed wine is you can blow up the bag and use it as a pillow
THIS CHICK IS LIKE SOME SORT OF HOOKER HOUDINI.
I Have a huge scrape on my knee and I need a better excuse than dry humping on a park bench...
If you can't accept me drawing a Santa hat on your penis then we can't be friends
She puked off the side of the cruise ship onto a newlyweds balcony table and they watched it all happen then they made her clean it up
Me-World Problems: do I have my boyfriend come to my birthday party in drag, or is that too weird for the first time meeting literally any of my friends
I don't really want to explain what i mean by this so just answer yes or no. are 5 cows enough?
Heard flapping noises behind me. It was my roommate flapping her bathrobe like wings, saying "I'm a faaaiiiiry."
I'm not gonna plow a chick in front of her 14 year old brother....
Randomize
