you threw up in thedumpster behind red robin
and kept yelling "DIRTY BIRD"
Outside the community dumpsters: beer bottles and a carton of orange juice. Looks like we were here.
Give me a heads up the next time you BBM me a voicenote of you cumming so I'll make sure not to play it while in the car with my parents. Miss you too.
Now that world cup is done, funneling out of a vuvuzela has lost its fun
well judging by the amount of dired blood around my nipple rings i'm gonna assume it was a good night
He would stand there for a few seconds with a blank look on his face then randomly start running full sprint towards macdonalds. We'd catch him and he'd promise to stop so we'd let him go and he'd do it again.
I fucked her and then she made me sleep on the floor next to her bed because she 'has a committment problem'
he just used "boss" and "boner" in the same sentence. I cant respond.
Just wrestled a cop. He won my shorts. I won my freedom. In fishnets and army boots. still headed to the party. would appreciate pants, but not necessary.
Why would I send you a picture of it when I could just steal the gnome and put it in your bed with you? Admit it, he looks just like gnomeo!
I think making out with someone could be the cure to all my problems. That or more cowbell.
Eight drinks in. Subject is fondling chips before eating them. Intoxicated texting has expanded from best friend to random guy I met in FBLA.
Is it completely inappropriate to base my morning after pill purchase on if they sell coffee or not?
Sooooooo Your wife and your girlfriend are making cat noises at one another via text
I’m doing some soul searching to figure out how much of a slut I’m going to be the rest of the summer.
Randomize