I still havent given him the valentines day card i got him. I feel like just writting...."sorry for the horrible blow job i gave u last night." and just giving it to him.
dont be like that, i wasnt picking him over you. I was picking multiple orgasms over zoolander.
She just licked her nipple in public to get a free bar tab.
She still cant shoot whiskey?
Im having serious doubts about this relationship
do you think they make 'sorry for walking in on you drunkenly jacking of to a picture of me' cards?
I refuse to fuck a guy who needs a coozy for his beer. NOT EVEN IN DESPERATE TIMES LIKE THESE.
Doing lines off a plate that says, "things go better with coke."
when the officer asked him if he had been drinking, he just goes, "yeah, you?" then falls onto the table.
You know how I know she's ugly? 97% of her profile pics are flowers or animals. And what do we know about pretty people and the Internet?
I may have just poured a honey apple beer onto a dried apple slice to rehydrate it. This is my day.
Hey, I left a taco in your dishwasher.
I mean it's up to you where you want to sleep but I'm telling you you're going to hear us have sex no matter what room you're in.
Fair enough
I sent him a blank text because I didn't want to "drunk text" him.
I kicked down a wall in rage and found a door behind the drywall. Once again vandalism solves all my problems.
I know you’re not my dad, but you’re someone dad. And you’re also like a second dad to me who I also send nudes to as well. Happy Father’s Day
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