Midnight walks are trippy
I tried to do that earlier, but I was alone and scared, so I stole a happy Birthday balloon.
He's still on the phone with him. This is unnatural. Dudes don't call other dudes just to talk.
I told a kindergarten student that candy canes are bones of reject elves.
i was like hansel and gretel. i puked a trail from mcdonalds to our place so i could find my way back in the morning
he stopped making out with me and said "can I make you grilled cheese? I feel like I owe YOU something"
Man, I must say, having known you since preschool, Eiffel-Tower-ing her would've fully completed our journey to brotherhood.
I think I'm in love. He's everything I ever wanted for myself, just with a lot more drugs.
I am so excited I do not know how I will sleep.
It's like the Christmas morning of dicks
Don't judge them too harshly for getting kicked out of a strip club. Happens to the best of us.
You are the coolest girlfriend ever.
I mean I want to be happy but it's a train wreck that you can't look away from
Nothing worse then being at the gym on the elliptical next to a guy looking at porn on his phone
I drunkenly texted ur dad last night telling him he raised great kids hahahahaha
I WANNA SUCK HIS DICK ON A BOAT
I'm really sorry I bit your mom last night, it was completely uncalled for.
IM FILLED WITH SANDWICHES AND SELF LOATHING
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