the thought of Anne Coulter teabagging Dick Cheney kills me everytime.
I feel like dying is the new "adopt an african baby"
Just burped. Tasted like beer and cherios...Beerios. This is gonna be quite a day.
I'm not being over dramatic, but I think my heart is going to stop beating.
Hu mahhiw im so tired.i just got done. In fo dleepu. Aaaaaaahh. I qisj my mom filmed me. In axtunf so funny
I feel like strippers are like dogs, the more you show you're terrified the faster they come at you.
I want my birthday to be like the hunger games where all the contenders for my vaj have to fight each other off to win the prize
Can I have the second place winner?
You had me on my knees catching cheese balls in my mouth and moaning. In front of all your friends.
Note to self don't stop having sex during an earthquake! I call it a 6.1 orgasm!
Congrats on graduating and I'm in a cab and need someone to helps keeping me up, do you mind
.......he just venmo charged me for the burrito I was eating while he broke up with me
Ohhhhhh, that night......I need to stop drinking, almost all of my conversations that take place Wed thru Sun after 8:30 are one blurry haze.
I could have sworn that I went home last night... but judging from the couch I just woke up on, apparently not.
IDK if she's gay or not, but there is something about the way she looks at me that says "do dirty dirty things to me." I have no choice but to oblige.
I’m done with him. I’m going to the beach to catch a fresh dick
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