I an trashes at a wedding. Hotbcousins here I come. Agh.
Do you still like to have your hair pulled?
No, I never liked having my hair pulled. I think you have me confused.
I'm not going to blow you while you look at fish on the internet.
I would kind of like a job that starts at 10:30 and i'll work til 7. I'm not very productive in the morning. My main focus is not puking from 9-11.
Your noise violation report contains the word "five-some"...wtf happened in here?
Her birthday cake consisted of a shot of tequila with a candle in it
When they saw it was the 7th inning of the baseball game one took off running for the beer stand while his friend is yelling "BUY THE KEG"!
Two hours into move in day and the ambulance is here already.
I feel like I should come with a warning like "Orgasm free since 1983"
Walked in on my boss having phone sex at work... and somehow this didnt bother nor embaress him
I think this hangover is going to kill me. If it succeeds I would like you to read a dramatic rendition of 'Trapped in the closet' complete with interpretative dance at my funeral.
I'm going to shower the piss off me now. I feel like I was in an R. Kelly dream.
For Halloween this year I'm going to paint myself in gold, wear a golden toga and sash saying " cunt goddess"
I took did three shots of fireball and did and handstand. When I stood up some busty slut lead me my the hand down the hall into her dorm room.
But I'm sure your having and "a monumentally better time" repeating the 12th grade
I said "one day" and that day is not today
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