I had a dream last night that I was the one that killed Biggie
Learn some fucking English or leave me alone! "Your" is for something that belongs to you, like 'your herpes'. And "you're" is a contraction for "you are", like "you're not sleeping with me".
i just identified you from a description of your pipe
Married on the beach in PCB while blackout drunk. Bonged beers on the sandbar for a bachelor party. They shotgunned beers at the end of the vows. How is spring break allowed to happen?
thanks for celebrating my birthday so severely 2 years ago. i just found your hospital discharge papers in my closet.
anything for my little brother.
I just bared my soul to you and you fell asleep. Or you're fucking your boyfriend. Either way, not cool. fuck.
We were eating hotdog buns dipped in French onion dip in lawn chairs at 4am. That drunk
the thing I didn't realize I would miss about college is that at home you can't just dismiss your sex bruises as drunk accidents
I have grass duct taped all over my body
I feel like the devil is trying to impregnate me through my eyeballs.
In case you were wondering, yes I did just watch the Katy Perry movie alone on a Saturday night. I'm so alone it makes a noise.
He won't have sex to beyonce. I hate him.
It's not even 8 pm, or Saint Patrick's Day, and Kevin is drunk on my roof humping the air
When your grandma invites you to a sweet girls' Valentine's dinner with your mom and sister, but you have to decline because you're trying to get two dudes to rail you at once...
I'm at the drive thru window, five minutes out. If the bathtub is empty or you're dressed when I arrive I'm not sharing.
Randomize
