there's a wrestler here in a Ferrari//puma hoodie who is telling girls his win//loss record as a pickup line.
Ive given up on my natural charms. Im trying different accents till some girl wants to hook up with me.
I told her I'd give her some of the cream I was using so she didn't get my warts. That's when I realized I was too drunk.
sweet and enthusiastic is code for tiny dick.
Hahaha alright after 5 shots I'm not allowed to touch glass or boys with girlfriends.
1.) where are you? 2.) you making meatballs? 3.) Meatballs for sex?
Last night: Repeatedly yelled about how the fishbowl tasted like blue, stole a stranger's hat, hugged the DJ for playing my request, made out with my roommate, and abandoned the guy I dragged to the club in the first place
This morning: Hat doesn't fit, hangover headache is blue, and I can't move without getting lightheaded
Listen when they tell you not to drink after giving blood
Well, I watched a girl proposition a shit ton of people, try to take a cocktail waitresses job and then proceed to walk into a wall. Damn, I'm a little jealous.
What i love about my dog is i can lay in bed and masturbate with him at the foot, and he just leaves me alone.
I've got enough liquor to do one of two things on Friday: 1.) Drink myself into a coma or 2.) lay in bed a drunk and cry lonely mess. Happy Valentines Day.
We almost ended up sober because of u!!
just creeped your profile pictures and you should feel satisfied in knowing that you had great eyebrows even before people started drawing them on
This is why people in Buffalo die of heart attacks. This and wings
Dude. $3 Jack n Cokes AND Cheesesticks... Find me tomorrow plz
Hey do you remember me?
You were the giant banana I had sex with... how could i forget?
Randomize
