I just poured my flask into a drink. Then I realized the drink belonged to the guy next to me so I stole it from him. He confronted me and I made out with him to distract him. When I looked up, I realized his wife was watching. Its barely 10:00.
that's not even the weird part though. he already knew where the bathroom was, he might have been here before..
Congrats on having the best tasting nipple at the bar last night.
ok is that genuinely the first four bars of mozart's symphony #40 sharpied onto my arm or
It was fine until he came back to my place, grabbed a beer, HIGH-FIVED me, and left.
How did I roll 7 times this month and survive?\nI must be some sort of ecstasy goddess
I want this pizza in and around my mouth forever..
Do you remember doing synchronized hip thrusts to Michael Jackson? Probably one of my favorite parts of the night
dude I just found tht weird ass guy u invited last night passed out in my closet.... apparently he "couldn't find the exit"
There must be a happy medium universe where you get it on with my girlfriend enough to cause me pain but not a full on cardiac arrest. It's a fine line to tread though.
I spent a good part of the night in a bear hat claiming I'd changed spieces
Your mankini haunted my dreams.
Driving, getting head and talking to your boss on the phone is not a good combination. I nearly died
I woke up on a park bench with a nice homeless guy waking me up. I bought us Carl's Jr. Best birthday ever!
On another note, I kinda only wanna poop laying down now
Randomize
