all we need is a shotglass and a helicopter.
if you can see her tanning goggle line that's officially a deal breaker
I'm in the line at the airport trying not to vomit on the person in front of me. Happy Tuesday.
I've already started drinking so the earlier you get out of class the more coherent I'll probably be.
You can identity the picture as me the mistress his wife and him. It's that kinda awkard.
You beat him at the shot competition, and proceeded to rub it in while telling everyone to "ASK ME A MATH QUESTION!!!"
I woke up surrounded by goldfish. Thank God my laptop was here too. Now I don't have to leave my bed all day.
You talked the cab driver into taking a shot from your flask at a red light because "Ray Charles would want him to"
I was hooking up with this girl last night and she's on top of me with "Flux Pavilion - I can't stop" grinding in the background and I thought "Holy shit I'm going to do a lot of Molly this semester."
The only person I have to bring is crazy hospital guy
HE'S NOT INVITED!!!
I found us a new booze connection and I'm writing college admissions essays. The future is bright.
You were talking to yourself and eating cold cuts in the kitchen when I found you
What's worse having drunken sex with hot married man or breaking the diet one week in?
dont you DARE use my tequila influenced words against me
Dude \nSo embarrassed \nJust sent a snap to my boss john and noticed my vibrator was right beside me
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