I will be horny for about another two hours. Feel free to call me until then.
Well, if they're both my boyfriend.. Then i cheated on both of them.
Why is there not a 'day after acid' genre. Or even a pandora station or something.
not the best booty call
did she squirt?
only if tears count
Last time I heard from you, you were double fisting strawberry milk and wine. Answer this text so I know you're still alive. Bonus points for a coherent answer.
You. Me. A bottle of Vodka. The wilderness.
Getting stoned at work has never been a good idea, but im always more than willing to give it another chance
It's just one of those days where I'm too horny to function, to be perfectly honest.
Thank you for the legal advice. I hope I can pay you in blow jobs.
so as he was cumming he sort of growled with one eye squinted... for a moment there I thought I was fucking Popeye
I don't think I've ever met a guy with a bush bad enough that I would choose a cactus over it.
Pissing into the Grand Canyon is the single most liberating thing I've ever done in my entire life
I smell like a brewery and I have been drinking for 7 hours. This seems like a perfect time to tell my husband I want a divorce.
Made out with some dude at the bar last night. Was fun until he thought bohemian rhapsody was by The Who
I could be doing way worse things besides texting him 'come over and bang my headache away'. i could be on meth
Randomize
