i am fully taking advantage of taking advantage of him
i got pulled over in my 'cops love me' tshirt. he didn't think it was funny when i pointed it out.
She took off her pants and it was like seeing an old friend.
working out is totally making me break out.. i'm doomed to forever be either a butterface or a butterbod. there is no way out.
you kept thanking chef boyardee for having pull tab cans
He fell off the roof... he clearly has not been preparing for summer.
Emergency! LinkedIn connected me to a hotornot hookup from sophomore year... slutty phase sphere has officially invaded grown up professional sphere. My illusions of interweb sexual anonymity have been exploded.
Hope you don't mind if I never tell my family about you.
My body is telling me there was tequila. My pictures say it was Jeff's fault
He drunk texted me what I think is two snails fucking on a mushroom. Is "you sick bastard" too mild a rejection?
Fucking adderall I just talked at the security guard for 90 minutes
I love that my family celebrates every holiday with a joint. Chanukah? Mazel-juana! Easter? What's more spring than the color green? Election day? What better way to celebrate democracy in action than medical pot?
He referred to our sex as "an Olympic event." My tits are bruised.
Through a complicated series of events, I wound up in the desert with a blue chick from comic-con. we lost peter. if you're alive, please come get us.
my penis made a compromise with my morals
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