There's a man in a pair of gray footie pajamas and a paper crown watching the kids at the playground. It was easier to tell who was a pedophile before Where the Wild Things Are came out.
just saw a man remove a wedgie from his lady's ass. who says chivalry is dead.
we live in such a classy society.
you haven't felt a hangover until you wake up after a night of snorting tequila.
it wasn't the penis i had been hoping for.....but i took it regardless.
He bought me dinner. He gave me his jacket when I was cold. And then ate me out in the passenger sear of the car.
I think mounting someone proves who's house this is
Is it possible to dent your eyeball? And how do you "accidentally" go cosmic bowling?
There's a bachlorette party going on at the bowling alley, so we'll see who wins greatest shitshow tonight.
I am a 5'4" ball of sexual frustration and vodka. It is that kind of night.
Also, do you think i could get away with finishing my vodka cranberry from last night at work if i put orange juice in it? Serious question.
I just had sex with the male version of myself. looks, mindset, even our boob to dick ratio was the same
Wake up. Eat bread. Find your dignity. Don't be late for work again.
I can't open my mouth wide enough to make full use of this snapchate update
Besides, I'm booked tomorrow. I'm planning on drinking heavily and crying in the bath.
Fun fact: the guy I banged last night. His middle name on his birth certificate is "Windstorm."
Randomize
