Her sex list was a LOT longer than mine. She tried to justify it by saying '4 of those don't count because they were in the gang bang'.
Oh. He liked you.
Then you said "Are you asian?, I didn't know there was Asians in Colorado."
New Years Resolution for 2011 : QUALITY cock. Not quantity.
he keeps trying to sext me and all I can do is respond with descriptions of what im eating.
Apparently the cops have a video of me singing bob seger "Night moves".
i only avoided him because he looked like he was about to have a heart attack and i didnt feel like doing cpr on my day off.
what type of emt are you
Hahah what did you even say to him?!
That I was gonna inflate his vagina with a leaf blower?
Oh.
I have a diplomatic trade for you. My pants for your rum. Tomorrow?
Also. When I die, I'm gonna have them put me in the casket naked and then have an open casket funeral. That will be my last chance to make people uncomfortable.
Can you stop being a bitch and just take some Kaluha shots with me bro?!?
All she has to do is text me and my dick gets hard. It doesn't matter what it's about. Last text was about a homeless dude
I'm sorry I told you to go fuck yourself after you said good morning to me when I was hungover.
If my dick was big enough to fuck the eye of a hurricane, I would.
My mom just told me I look like darth vader. how's your night?
Bro, I live in a constant state of existential dread and moderate ennui. The prospect of cosmic horror doesn’t faze me that much.
Randomize