Wow, your whole life is a joke regardless of the fact that its april fools day
at a bonfire and someone threw a plastic cup in the fire. everyone immediately stopped what they were doing to yell collectively at him about what he was doing to the environment, then went back to drinking
only in oregon
This last weekend single handedly took me off the liver transplant list
I was giving him a handjob and he commented that he loved my nailpolish....I'm destined to die a fag hag
The guy I fucked last night is well worth up the ass tuition. I just wish I could tell dad thanks!
She told me I was only the second guy she slept with. I told her she was only my second Megan.
My roommate is trying to suck beer out of the rug.
12 trash cans filled with water. Beer cans floating in each, 12 ft apart. Dodgeball. Ultimate beer pong.
Rules. We have to wear superhero outfits
He said he got laid, but you and i both know he was too high to leave his house.
But is that really the name you want to scream out during climax?
I asked him to make me two boxes of macaroni and cheese. That's like eight servings. How did I think that was an okay amount.
I just walked out topless, stared his brother straight in the eye, and ate all the rest of their cookie dough.
My cardio is walking around the office looking for free food.
Everyone I slept with in 2016 is getting a Christmas card from me. Because I'm an adult.
IM HAMMERED AND JUST HAD CHEESECAKE THAT MADE ME FEEL LIKE NO MAN HAS EVER MADE BE FEEL BEFORE.
Randomize
