sometimes when i'm walking through campus i wonder how many of these people have seen me puke
Id like to know where dora the explorers parents are when she goes on all these crazy ass adventures
Omg just woke up. 6am. random apartment. broad daylight. bunch of ppl doin coke around me. Theres a bridge nearby. I think my dentist is down the block. Oof.
Not quite sure what happened last night. I'll drive your dresser over to you later.....
Dude she flew me 1000 miles down to see her, broke up with me 7 hrs after arrival, and kicked me out with a week left til I fly home. Thank god college taught me how to shack up
Which one of you fuckers thought itd be funny to see if the kitchen table can float.
Professor just informed us that she can't come to class today because her daughter broke her glasses and she can not see where she is going. Am I still drunk from this weekend?
The guy who bit me so hard two nights ago that I had to put Neosporin on my nipple and the guy in my bed right now are two different people. Help
You can't text people with drinkers' regret at 8 in the morning. It's just bad form.
i could've stared at her spine forever man..she was so deep, and she made a drink out of vodka and organic mangoo shit. i will find her and present that goddess with some fucking gummies
you're no longer allowed out of my sight at parties
Yo, go checkout Kerri's Instagram quick! There's like 12 pics of her fucking some guy in a bar's bathroom. GO GO GO GO!!!!
The annual Father's Day Wake and Bake has been canceled due to lack of hustle.
Also you know what's irritating? When the guy you're sleeping with refuses to like any of your Instagram posts
we went book shopping, so yes this relationship is going to be about more than sex
He calculated like a serious conversion in his head the other day and got a crazy number and I was like damn that’s hot please proceed to take your clothes off.
Randomize
