plans for tonight: dress up like pirates, drink a bottle of mad dog and watch the sorostitues across the street get naked. and yes, the mad dog part is already in play. hurry the fuck up. i look like a loser doing this alone.
Little spoons don't ask big questions
so she sprained her ankle somehow and her friend had to carry her out while all 7 of us watched. do we even need to vote on that or is that automatic induction into the hall of shame?
it got awkward when she realized that our nickname for her was "The Hambeast"
Adams eating in the shower, he says it's one of his favorite places to eat. Btw it's milanos he's eating, he says he loves italy too.
He tried to slow-dance with me in bed. IN BED.
Are my feet made of real feet?
So as I left the Australian's hotel room, I said "Welcome to America. You're going to do just fine here."
There was a reason God said "Let there be titties" on the Fifth Day.
I just finished a four mile round trip walk to CVS to buy shaving cream and lube. You're welcome.
Holy fuck where did this cat tattoo on my ass come from
somehow a ride to walgreens turned into a threesome.
I went out to dinner with the girls thinking I'd be home early. Instead I ended up in the Englishman's hotel room. Long Live The Queen.
I just want to buy drugs without having to pay an arm and a leg for it. Is that a horrible thing to ask for?
I mean, it's not like you can exactly complain to the manager and higher ups about it.
Why do all my exes just become Tom Hanks in Castaway?
That's a fantastic question. And an odd set of criteria to meet if wanting to date you.
Randomize
