I told u I don't really remember everything lol i pretty much remember not lasting as long as I norm and that I wore a condom, I hate condoms
A big part of growing up is learning how to tastefully stare at women
my ultimate dream in life is to have sperm so powerful that it will rival that of jim bob duggar.
i threw up on the table at the pizza place and peed in her room mates closet. i wouldnt invite me back either
Fyi when u order four mini bottles of scotch on a 45 min flight. The flight attendants jaw drops to the floor.
I'd feel bad about being drunk at the Christmas service, except for the fact that I've already had sex in this church, so this is just small change.
I came in and I guess my parents didn't hear me. My dad just said "Don't be lazy, RIDE IT." to my mom. Never coming home again.
possibly one of my favorite moments was wiping it off your nose after you high fived a bouncer
I'm gunna send you baby bottles of vodka for those nights when you just give up
I told the guy that if he didn't put enough pepperoni to earn the name " pepperoni feast", that I was gonna sue him for all he had. Believe it or not, that's all I remember.
I opened a bud lite with a fencing sword last night. Yeah you banged that guy.
I heard the bride mutter "I should have brought a fucking tranquilizer". I'm not at all surprised that you got banned from the bar afterwards.
He cannot be your sugar daddy. He looks like a literal hot dog.
I don't think he likes that I'm always sending him pictures of me in my bra but he needs to get it together
I sent him nudes while he is at work because I am an evil human being.
Randomize
