Just saw truck nuts on a handicap conversion van
There needs to be a term for a female version of a rusty trombone
Vanilla vodka + chocolate soymilk does NOT equal an epic milkshake.
my secret santa just gave me a pregency test
on a scale of 1-10how much freaking out is acceptable if you just found a (possibly used) cock ring in the head board that your parents gave you?
Beer bonged 7 shots of Jameson. I title this night short stories with tragic endings.
The slutty girl scout law, revised for halloween 10: on my honor i will try, to serve my vagina and my shot glass. To hold back friends hair at all voming moments and to live by the sluttly girl scout law.
I can't leave. She doesn't trust me and my penis being out in the world without supervision.
Jesus just hopped over the fence with a rack of coors. How's your Halloween?
its 4am. im standing over him in my bed eating chinese food, on the phone with dan trying to convince him to break up with his gf. whoredom.
PAAAANTS ARE FOR AAAASSHOLES
Just got smoked out by my boss. Working in politics is great.
nobody was home so I boiled the dildo
I got my gum stuck on his balls.
like I'd leave you in a situation like that..pfft. what kinda friend do you think I am?
...a stoned one.
Randomize
