If Jimminey Cricket were here with me he would be so disappointed.
tonight, alcohol would be proud of us
I could literally track my booty calls if I ever got knocked up by my parking tickets
Get here now. This is going to be possibly my most dangerous idea ever, and I'm the guy who challenged a hobo to a breakdance fight.
He woke up, mumbled "silverware", and went back to sleep
best friends dont let best friends get an STD of the eyeball just saying
Last comment. I know of no exercises, diets or practices out there to help keeping balls young and healthy. They simply succumb to gravity.
Of course drinkings involved. They don't call it alcoholism because we eat too many skittles.
How did you get a free t-shirt at the strip club?
I was attacked by whores
You threw up on yourself again didn't you?
They were strong whores
Just took a shower for the sole purpose of getting off without using my hands... I've reached a new level of summer-lazy.
It's all fun and games until you have to pay the bar tab.
Update: his apartment is apparently in the campus Christian community center. The fact that I fucked him on the couch in the lobby is officially my crowning life achievement.
You have not lived until you've slid down a waterfall fucked out of your mind. Fact.
Say whatever the fuck you want about me, but leave my deceased cat out of it.
I've never seen anyone as high as you were.. you collapsed onto the kitchen floor hugging a tub of ice cream. You named it phil.
Randomize
