Great. Don't do shady things like that ok?
My boobs aren't big enough for this kind of lifestyle
There's an amish chick decked out in amish clothes on a cell phone staring at me.
Why am I drunk on a roof painting at 11 in the morning
I'm full of awesome ideas
Yesss you are. Im full of confusion. I keep finding peanut butter on my legs...
I AM THE KING OF THE FRESHMEN
how did i know this would happen?
And then I passed out in my towel and was woken up by my roommate introducing me to her trick for the night.
He was like an artic tracker. Walked ten paces from the tree, then 15 paces from the mailbox, dug down in the snow, and pulled up the case of beer he hid from his parents out there. It tasted like ice cold success.
Do you remember some guy walking around the club saying "boner patrol" and smacking people in the dick?
Yeah, that was you
He thought my hair would soak it up. I HAD TO CUT IT OFF.
He got in a fight. Then called me drunk to see if he should bail his friends out, or walk through a Taco Bell drive-thru. True love.
We had a moment of silence for all of the orgasms he gave me with his beard before he shaved it off.
He's going to wonder why I have burn marks on my asshole
I can't tell if my heart is fluttering because I love him... or if it's palpitating from all the coke.
you were acting out moves from the wwe, in a dress. then you sceamed "you can't see me" and ran out of the apt.
Randomize
