dude, i look like john mccains neck right now
he just invited me over for the 3 p's...pepsi pizza and porn...I'm gonna marry him
Stop staring at my boobs, I can't concentrate
Well how do you think I feel
fair enough
I just dont think you can meet a stranger after youve heard them cum through the walls though
I just found him singing into an empty paper towel roll while microwaving an empty ice cream carton. I'm gonna run away now.
The usual. Woke up on a dog bed with peeps and $11.
Yea it's a sex scar. But if anyone asks I tripped up carpeted stairs
I figured you left because I was a shit show. Were you still there when I got locked in the bathroom and didn't know where I was? If not, that could have been a dream. I'm still not sure.
He knew exactly who I'd slept with after just one look at my crotch. He's like the Sherlock Holmes of cocks.
I get that he's ugly and I deserve better but I will still beat up the girls he hangs out with.
That ACT prep teacher knew i was hung. I could see it in her eyes.
For my birthday I want you to get me in bed with Donald Trump. That is all. You have 3 months
If I never see my landlord's dick again, it'll be too soon.
You have mono. It's like being pregnant, your are excused from normal social niceties like responding to people.
I'm more than my video games and dildo collection
Randomize
