Cold hands, warm shart.
Holy shit bill nye is being consulted as an expert on cnn and hes credited as the science guy. What the fuck is the world coming to?
its mom's weekend..did we need to couger proof the apt?
It was like an alcohol war zone and you left a soldier behind.
"Wait, who's gun did I have?" Moments when you re-examine your life choices.
Visions of polite missionary are dancing in my head right now kinda and it alarms me
I have a txt file I don't remember making open on my desktop. All it says is "what it's like to be a bat"
But of course I'm in. After all, what fun would the holidays be without trying to find the perfect gift to impress someone you've never met, but need the approval of??
I have alotted at least an hour for ugly crying.
I am rewearing my dress from last night. I only wore it for like two hours before fucking. And I took it off first so no cock contact. This is my new standard of cleanliness.
On the way home she told me she was in kindergarten when 9/11 happened
she grabed my junk and started making lightsaber noises
I wonder if you could get her in a metal bikini
I'm going to come in the middle of the night and attack you with spoons
Omg worst high ever. I'm watching Parks and Rec, and all i can think about is how andy, leslie, and tom are my closest friends. Forever alone.
I couldnt sleep the entire night because her cats kept reaching under the door like they were trying to eat me for taking their place on her bed.
I always knew youd fuck a cat lady
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