Whose surfboard did we steal and why is there a wood carving of a pelican in the fridge where the beer used to be?
I literally paid him in shots to clean my entire apartment. he even vacuumed...who said alcoholism is a bad thing??
I wore my front clasp bra so he would have to prove his sobriety to me before we had sex.
all I heard when I woke up this morning was "BONG HITS FOR BREAKFAST" being yelled repeatedly.
I need a pic of your cock for our cock collage
As an added bonus, you will have a "25 blowjobs a month" voucher, expiring thirty days after the first initial bj.
For future reference "I'm too drunk to come today" is an acceptable line to get out of work. I love my job
I tripped over a vacuum cleaner and fell into a beer pyramid
I bought an american flag today and by god im gonna fuck someone on it
I just hope I don't wheeze during sex
Do you ever get high and look at your cat and feel like you know them on an intellectual level?
He wore the same cologne as my orthodontist so all I could think about was how I hadn't worn my retainer in months
Dude she smelled like bar-b-que sauce. I can't think of anything better.
A to Z: fucking your way through the alphabet
It'll be a kids book
Lol, perhaps. But the drinks are so cheap, the music is better, and the bartenders and bouncers all know my name. I can't abandon it, even if it is a gay bar, its still my Nirvana.
Randomize
