I fink we're distracting them from bumping the proverbial uglies
wanna go halves on a baby?
Why did you take off so early
No more beer. And also. Threesome. Maybe. Ill let you know.
And when I look at him, I just want him to say "I love you" in between deep thrusts and hard grunts.
i stopped calling them hangovers and started calling mornings a long time ago.
when i start to cry when i lose at mario kart is when you should put me to bed
He managed to completely creep out every girl I was with last night. It was almost inspiring how efficient it was.
It's going to take a while to see a dick pic that I enjoy more than richs helicopter video
Happiness is the polar opposite of catching your dad watching holiday themed porn
Last night we got home from the bar and saw a fox outside and we lured it in the house with a piece of cheese. Just wanted to party with some potentially dangerous wildlife I guess.
Although a guy bought me a shot of fireball last wknd and I told him he wouldn't even get half a handjob for that and walked away so don't tell me I don't have standards
Dude the little bong I just got fits nicely in the cup holder in my car. The gods approve of my habits.
We had sex with a sexual harassment video playing in the background before his gf got there. I've hit a new low
But on a side note, how the fuck do you "accidentally " get peed on
Put the lady boner away. He's engaged. To my brother. No, life is not fair.
Randomize
