Guy having heart attack in McDonalds. Classic.
I just threw up in a patch of wild flowers on the side of the road. I never knew rock bottom was so beautiful.
Nothing says "I'm a sorority girl" like puking at 830 in the am, wearing my anti-hazing pin, and getting ready for a tea party.
Lost gin update. Blackout me found and re-hid the bottle. Left a note to myself saying, "GOOD LUCK, SUCKER!"
bad news.. campus security walked me home last night and when i tried to tell them where i lived they assured me they knew where our house was.
aha we'll just say that my mind was so focused on A Bugs Life that it was hard to maintain an erection
Its official, if she bites your dick through your jeans, ya'll go together. A lesson you shouldn't have to learn after the fact.
Yeah man, you were grinding with his wife, I wouldn't be worried about it
REMEBER. We are young, horny, and poor. If someone wants to give us alcohol... TAKE. IT.
I worry about your feelings an awful lot for somebody who gets off on making you cry
Why do pants feel so unnatural once you enter your own house
I'm eating cookie dough with a tongue depressor for lunch.
This is bullshit, I shit my pants for the 1st time in 30 years, stuck on the 405, fuck this shit.
Depends
its so awesome dude, its like im a magical unicorn or something
I would like you to know, a bag of cheese cubes just attacked me at work.
Randomize