are you wasted or are you getting laid?
ebdebdebdebd
wow
just took my temp. 103. i wonder how tylenol and jager bombs are gonna mix
Game over. He has a paternity test request on his table.
Going to have to start putting down newspaper if puking the bed is going to be a habit
I'm a big fan of your penis but I will not sit through an animated movie dedicated to it.
dude, my ass and shoulder hurt from that kayak last night... note to self: wood planks holding kayak from ceiling do not also hold up a human being
First time on E and Chris took me to a petsmart during puppy day. I might die of pure awesomeness.
He returned my car yesterday. Found a duffel bag with beef jerky, condoms, and a handgun this morning. Slightly concerned
Duuuuuuuude, I need you to sleep with my girlfriend so I can tell you both to move out
Vodka tonic time....wish me luck!
Go for it my man. I'm saving my shit show night for tomorrow. Gonna make it a big one just to let the entire bar know why I'm single
Last night dinner was cinnamon buns and whiskey. At least tonight I had a fajita with my cookies and tequila. I may be a little stressed about these end of semester tests.
Besides you're a Tennessee fan and it'd be against my religion to have your penis inside me today.
We're now referring to our nightly Skype time as "strokes of genius." Long distance sucks.
Last time I "ran into him" I ended up with the clap and had to explain why the ladder was missing from the garage.
Should I wear my "kiss me I'm highrish" shirt for my drug screen today?
Randomize
