Do they make some cleansing product for your soul? Like mouthwash that makes you not a skank? Or is that what religions for?
Eh, i think it's called sobriety. But its not fun.
Ever since I got married, I've become the MacGuyver of masturbation
His drunken night ended with a "car accident" which really meant he was stuck in a toy car and pushed down the steps.
you kept saying "no santa, im not having sex with you. it's not your holiday".
Its funny how you denied every part of the text except " you hate fat ppl"
90 persent of me said don't pee on that fake plant. Buyt i did
thanks for paying me in special brownies...but brownies dont pay the rent...anymore.
I cannot believe I said bareback movement...
The kid I'm babysitting just asked if I had a boyfriend. WHY IS A FOUR YEAR OLD MAKING ME FEEL BAD ABOUT MY LIFE
My friend and I just coined a new term. OBJ. The obligatory blow job. You totally know what I'm talking about.
Like if he goes down on you first, or you just don't want to bone him yet. OBJ.
sorry can't make it tonight, greg's getting back from italy. he's had two weeks of carbs and no gym; now's my chance to get myself a piece of that newly-fat, low self-esteemed ass.
Just found bud in my hair....gotta love curls
I've watched enough of my roommate's imported Japanese satellite to know when the exchange students are calling me a whore.
For real his Facebook page says he studied "sexual arts" at some random college I've never heard of. You've been warned.
Remember when we thought adulthood would be different than college?
It is different. We had hopes and dreams back then. Now we're just alcoholics.
Randomize
