You're not pinnochio. Lying isn't going to make it bigger.
dipping my christmas cookies in kaluha. santa would be proud.
I woke up this morning to my phone notebook open and written was "reasons why I'm a whore in chronological order" then it listed everybody I've had sex with in the past five months.
I'll be heading downtown with donuts and a lawn chair at 9am to go Halloween Walk o' Shame spotting.
She was telling me which girls she thought I should fuck or not at the bar. Why can't all one night stands be that cool after?
I think ppl see us as an unstoppable drunken force
Also I'm very proud of th fact that I walked my dog before bed. Drunk dog walking should be an Olympic sport; it takes SKILLS.
We're already drunk. 4 hours to go still. And there's a bear advisory. TOP WEEKEND.
As we were about to go at it, his roommates barged in singing jumper by third eye blind. Weirdest almost one night stand ever.
BTW, you ever shave a dick into my dog, I'll cut you. I'll laugh first, but then I'll cut you
Last night I went to spank her while she was riding me and sack-tapped myself.
drunk in woodshop so don't even say "I SAWWW THIS COMING." I know you're thinking it.
We had sex and he ended up in the hospital... don't know if I should be worried or proud.
So red wine goes with eggs, right? Because that's all I have in the house to cook and the drinking options are either wine or scotch
Can I just go naked and covered in glitter?
Randomize
