Call me so I can make it juicy for ya
I thought she would fill the void you created. Turns out she thought I just wanted to fill hers.
Also, i'm pretty sure i've had my birth control pill stuck in my throat since like...two pm. So i'll be practicing safe oral sex tonight.
Funniest shit happened at the grocery store. This kid kept asking his mom for candy over and over and she told him 'daddy said no' and he screamed 'he isn't my dad' so loud everyone in the store was silent it was awesome.
Fact: Godrick looks like David Archuleta
Vanilla vodka + chocolate soymilk does NOT equal an epic milkshake.
successfully started a charcoal grill with 2 shots of everclear and some aluminum foil. i never wanna leave here
By the end of the cruise, there was literally nothing in our room he hadn't peed on.
I have got to stop getting laid on my lunch breaks. I AM SO HUNGRY RIGHT NOW.
It was actually pretty good. His cock is as fat as the rest of him and I took out my contacts so I couldn't see him clearly.
This is America. Deny every slut accusation or own up to it
I just got high and swiffered the bathroom floor....2 for 2 on brilliant life ideas
Ur dad just showed me a tit pic he got omf
How do you explain to your mom that you let your friend stab you in the leg while drunk and high on coke?
Holy. Shit. I just remembered all the lapdances....
Randomize