I kinda look like a classier blonde kenny powers.
This guy just showed us his webbed feet to prove that his son was actually his son
Do you think she hates me because I thought her roommate's name actually was Butterface?
there is no way i can order from that cashier at in n out after she tried helping me while i was drunkenly puking in their bathroom at 11 am
When they arrested me, they gave me a bracelet with my mugshot and info. When you get one they can be our BFF Bracelets.
I've discovered that regular handcuff keys, sadly, do not work on real police handcuffs.
Ummmm you know you're drinking vodka out of a Skittles bag, right?
Hungover, threw up in a cosmetic case in my car this morning. This is real life.
I went on an adventure and now we have more food.
Well, really we just have fire sauce and cookies. But they're edible.
so i woke up at six am and his bathroom was flooded. i think i fucked shit up in my sleep.
You fell out of his top bunk onto his set of golf clubs. After seeing blood on your leg, you proceeded to sing "the first cut is the deepest" while sprawled on the golf clubs
Apparently karate chopping the fronts off all the paper towel and soap dispensers in the bathrooms isn't even frowned upon. Like even at the third bar when I fell flat on my back trying to jump kick the last one some guy just helped me up and high fived me. America.
I'm classy like audry Hepburn. Chugging wine out of the bottle on the way to the club. Shed do that. I know she would.
You were leaning against a fire hydrant asking people if they wanted to buy free pocket peanuts from you.
So I'm buying milk, bread, yogurt & lube. Not awkward at all
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