I hraet yuo
did you say you heart me or hate me?
who is this?
Thanks for jumping on that grenade for me last night. You're the best wingman ever
She ate 7 of the 8 slices of pizza. I deserve a purple heart and sex w your sister
she's basically destroyed all of the faith i had that skinny blond girls could be a functioning part of society.
Stop making all the ice cubes only big enough to fit in your bong. It takes like 3 trays for a glass of ice water
There is too much vodka and too much dick.
He got about halfway through singing "Drift Away" before he passed out and broke my coffee table.
Fuck you come back. The old guy next to me is complementing me on my great choice of ring fingers,
Heb just said, and I quote, "let's go to Who's On Third and fuck a fishbowl with our mouths. I am going to fuck this van." and then he humped a van.
I got punched in the face by a Cowboy last night. Then he bought me a beer cause o convinced security not to kick him out the bar. Start of a fairytale love story? I think so.
First of all you're supposed to say "you're not fat". And second of all never ever deprive me of nachos.
WHEN DO I FOLLOW THESE PEOPLE. I WOKE UP THIS MORNING &FOUND TWEETS FROM ILLUMINATI AND "hot shot 6th grader"
I'm disease and pregnancy free. This is an Easter for the books!
Asking me to suck on my nipples isn't going to make me less mad at you.
I am so so sorry I bit your butt last night. Twice.
He lasted less than 30 sec. in bed and then sent me a friend request on LinkedIn. Wtf.
Randomize
