Can we comment on the fact that at five thirty this morning, security woke me up in the hotel lobby, in my underwear, and some random guys winter coat?
For some reason i am carrying prostate cancer brochures. i am nor used to drinking this early.
sorry for allegedly lighting the beer pong balls of fire
I've come to the conclusion while folding laundry and watching porn that I may be dead inside.
I found someone's tooth on the stairs when I was vacuuming, and my sister found a catheter in the men's bathroom... this cleaning job is dangerous
Just found an unopened tied g of coke on the floor in her room... she thinks the maintenance guy dropped it earlier today. This takes the cake for sketchiest apartment.
Why are you surprised? I've only ever liked older guys since I was a 3 yr old crushing on her pediatrician.
Well I'm sleeping with two of them cause they have nice cars. And the third cause she has a big rack. I'm just really waiting for it all to blow up in my face so I can find a girl I'm actually interested in
We got to his house at 7am and two random guys were on the couch shot gunning beers saying we were late for the party
I spent the day drinking wine and meditating. I'm zen as fuck.
I just wish I had a snapshot of his attempted front flip off the bar. There are some things that are worth getting a life ban for, and the moment of impact with his foot and that lady's face was one of those things.
He fucked me in his tour van, I feel like an official groupie.... Except I don't even listen to his band.
Safe to say we should stock up on nipple bandaids ladies
Its official. The summoning powers of my vagina are unmatched by anything in this world
did you know that sneaking into a golf course at midnight is a felony? the cop made sure to tell us after she peed on the course and hit on him
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