Is it normal to miss your booty call?
i can totally tell he's high. he's having a conversation with my dog.
watching jon and kate + 8 right now is like watching my parents split up
so she called me drunk and made me stay on the phone with her while she puked.
just gave him road head on the way home IN A SNOW STORM..good thing we didn't crash or I'd be dead. I DIDN'T HAVE MY SEATBELT ON
clearly you have your priorities straight
i bought a pregnancy test with dimes. Is that trashy?
i just complicated the hell out of my summer by fucking him this early on
Congratulations!! You are the WINNER of a brand new BLOWJOB!! You can collect your prize between the hours of 12pm and 1pm today, anywhere you'd like!!! :)
I came to the party for him. I don't know where he went, but I mentioned being hungry and his housemate brought me a huge tupperware container of berry cobbler. I think I'll stay.
I'm about to smoke a joint alone, do you want to FaceTime and pretend you're smoking it too?
YO. MCGRIDDLES.
I mean, if there was a version of you with a penis, you'd fuck it...right? Like just outta curiosity at least
I don't care how hot she was, she wouldn't stop singing "Shut Up and Dance", instant boner-killer.
Okay I'm officially a Texan now, I banged a dude with cowboy boots
I wiped my ass with a McDonalds wrapper. I've hit an all time low. Sorry for my impatience
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