I Bought a bracelet with bible characters and a charm broke. the virgin mary one. Do you think it's a sign?
What I dont get about To Catch a Predator is who the fuck still uses chat rooms?
I got drunk and applied for two credit cards last night. About to find out if anyone in this world is still dumb enough to give me credit.
So last week was the 4th time a girl cried after sex. I'm seriously doing something wrong
her night didn't end so well, both of her boyfriends got arrested... together.
The bosnian sent me a sext with his dick next to a comcast remote. It went up to the "stop" button. Ironic and appropriate. Grab your remote and imagine it.
You've ruined television for me.
Some advice...don't play drunk rock em sock em robots. With actual people. I have bruises EVERYWHERE.
the doctor said its the kinda of pregnant you dont recover from
I never appreciated sexting until I went to rehab
I think I accidentally agreed to be someone's surrogate
I'm sorry you caught us fucking in your bathroom. If it makes you feel any better when I tried to put my pants back on I dropped them in the toilet.
I just remembered I made you punch yourself in the face last night and I would like to formally apologize for that even though it was hilarious.
just so you know. the medical term for period cramps is mettelschmerz.
glad to know something that causes such misery in my life has such a laughable name.
sober me doesnt really want him anymore, but when drunk me takes over, she might want him, and god only knows the shit that might happen with drunk me.
I covered the puke with a shingle there's not many chunks. I think it will blend quickly.
Randomize
