wtf. i just found you're porn stash.
u like it?
NOT THE POINT.
I'm slowing backing away from her. I tried breaking up with her and it felt like I was clubbing baby seals.
she screamed "my eye!" and it brought me a surge of bad memories. except she was yelling about a lemon.
He said he loved me so I pretended not to hear it because I don't think "I love your penis" was the response he was looking for.
Should I give the penis ring toss game to good will or garbage
I want to bury your face in my vagina. Possibly by force. I will try not to suffocate you though.
I almost got away with it until she smelled beer on the stroller.
I have been sober for so long that I miss hangovers... what is happening to this summer?
he paid for dinner at the eiffel tower. drinks at a bar on the champs elysees. gave me a motorcycle ride back to his house, got us heineken and then took me to park overlooking paris. where he ate me out on a park bench. still have doubts about the french?
I won't be able to make it. Too hung over. Can't hold down fluids. I'm in the bathtub trying to hydrate my body through osmosis. And yes, Tequila Tuesday is totally still on for tonight.
I'm in a waiting room at the hospital - and there's a dude here who is WAY too proud of his urine sample.
Sorry you had to clean the sheets with your macro notes
Woke up with a 6lb bucket of Redvines with a note that said "I'm sorry" care to explain?
Pretty sure my parents just hear me get off from the living room but I feel like they should be proud that I did it without a man honestly.
A guy at my table is reading a magazine called "Cheese Connoisseur"
Randomize
