Draw a picture of yourself puking and peeing on her and give it to her with a note that sys this could be your future if you be my friend
I am at a striph cluv. They are ovealls everywhere. I have hot rock botto.
Stop selling my mother weed! She's annoying as hell when she's stoned.
We should probably avoid doing this again, but hey it was a nice one time thing to tell the grandkids about... Hopefully they don't end up being YOUR grandkids.
I never kept track of who else he slept with. You think I have the time or the energy to keep track of every dick in my life?
My mom is helping me re-arrange my room to make New Year's more hook-up friendly
and you will have a crown and it will be made of penises and all will bow before you and your glorious penis crown
So I just did the math and everything in this room except the computer and my clothes has been in my vagina
she has like 12 pairs of underwear people left at her house from the other night
You would only karaoke to Spanish songs, but sang with the accent of the french candle stick in beauty and the beast.
strip teases shouldnt end with an expensive car covered in salsa and mayonnaise yet here we are
WTF was I supposed to tell them? "hi mom and dad, this is some rando I met on the internet. please ignore the noises that will be coming from my bedroom for the next 60-90 minutes. kthxbye."
I'm not asking for life coaching, I'm just asking if you know where I left my underpants.
I've scurried myself in your trunk come find me in the morning
I'm going to need you to stop harassing my professor on Twitter when you're drunk.
Randomize
