yo I wanna see you, bring that beard of yours
Passed out on a playground for a while before trying to break into the elementary school. Erica thought her captain tasted like cat food, so she poured her bottle into her cat's dish and proceeded to eat it like cereal.
You win. Erica always eats cat food.
we ate a 40 pack of string cheese and watched an entire washing machine cycle.
I think "banned from Amtrak due to excessive projectile vomiting" would sum up the evening quite nicely.
After 12 shots he decided to show us knife tricks. You can figure out how it ended
he asked you how you felt and you yelled "I FEEL SO PROACTIVE!" and started coloring with sharpies
we got cut off at 8 am. He spilled his drink three times on the plane. this should be one hell of a vegas trip
She fuckin peed on me
Stay golden ponyboy
I'm going to practice throwing things up the the air and catching them between my boobs, because that seems like a cool party trick.
It's that whole "half Japanese, half asshole" thing. My brother and I have found that people really go for that
God, please protect all woman from micro-penises
For not being a nurse or a sex worker I have seen an alarming amount of penises.
It was probably bad to sleep with someone just to pet his dog right?
There is a wine bar at this airport that it is currently full of mid-40s women reading their Kindles. I'm attracted to all of them.
It's 11 A.M.
You know what, I think I will
so you can go out and drink with me then fuck me, or you can come over when i get home and fuck me, or you can come over before and fuck me, or you can come over before and after and fuck me... so many fucking options
Randomize