just got out of a noise viloation because the cop recognized my roomate as his favorite chipotle burrito roller. just another reason I love ritos
just smoked a bowl with my history teacher. i love community college
okay I may or may not have wrapped my body pillow up in your t-shirt and sprayed it with your axe and am now spooning with it.
again? I'm starting to get a little creeped out now.
How do I put "special brownies" into Weight Watchers?
He said I taste like butterscotch, licked me, then I'm pretty sure he wet his pants. So no, I do not want to invite him over.
there's a wings menu taped to my wall. don't tell me i don't have my priorities straight.
We didn't have sex because he locked himself in the bathroom and passed out while he was taking a shit. I cuddled with his cat.
the 5 D's of Dodgeball literally just saved my life
Girl re-adjusts bra, no one bats an eye. I re-adjust nuts, everyone stares.
Wearing rip off pants to a booty call last night was one of my most brilliant ideas ever.
i found you laying on the floor staring at the ceiling and you kept muttering "why" in various inflections.
I told him I was going outside to throw up and I ended up passing out in the front yard in my underwear for 45 minutes. When I walked back inside he said "where have u been?". My husband ladies and gentlemen
Do you think it's illegal to drive without your pants on?
He makes bad life choices and drives a wagon, how is that not my type?
what color bed sheets say meditative warrior but also welcome to my sex dungeon...
navy blue
The fact that you have an answer to that is why we are friends...
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