he confessed his love for me, threw up on my pillow and then fell asleep on said pillow. i met him last night.
better than last weekend. things are really looking up for you.
I realize that when i start making 24-themed music videos in my head to the song 'love is a battlefield' that i really need to get out more
So then I sent a pic msg of the Magnum XL box to her friend
Just paid for that girls abortion on my dad's black card. I feel like P-Diddy.
drunk pissing on my closed toilet lid is actually quite a sobering experience
It took my four years to get this degree, and 4 hours to lose it, My parents are not impressed.
I feel like I should come with a warning like "Orgasm free since 1983"
I will start puting down the plastic for the vom in our love chamber. If you want to be something or someone else for the night feel free. The theme is shit show.
I'm there.
I have so many hands. So. Many. Hands. I can feel arms that I don't have yet. They tickle. I can see the blood in my eyes. I think something is happening. The hands!!! I'm ticking myself with hands I don't have yet! I can't stop giggling about my notyet hands!
You were ¾ of the way through the first pitcher of margaritas then you turned to me and said "Wow I can barely taste the vodka!" And then…….
...Then...
Then I told you margaritas are made with tequila not vodka. You whipped the pitcher at the wall and ordered another one
I used my iced coffee to ice the bump on my head from last night
He finger blasted me like an angel dude
now to finish some work and then i think i'll work out. or garden. or at the very least I'll continue eating frozen grapes and take more drugs
So...a chick sucked my crank...now her dog is licking my feet. I feel like a pharoh on vacation.
So chicken strips and confidence do not you make you sober.
Randomize
