there is a priest convention in the hotel. i feel like god is laughing at me.
the chick you hooked up with on my couch facebook friended me.
just thought you should know her name is kristen
No i dont need Magnum Condoms, that would be like putting MC Hammer pants on my dick
Why is the garage door in the middle of the street?
could hear acupuncture therapist getting blown in the next room over the whale music
No he exists. Who else tells me no matter how drunk I am to pull out. He's watching over me so my bastard doesn't get created.
We waved. But it was a "let's hook up" wave.
What kind of costume was that supposed to be??
I'm an orgasm trader!
I cut myself stripping on your car. Probably a profession I shouldn't pursue
I just busted my piggy bank to afford McDonald's. This is my personal cry for help.
And I am bleeding like slutty girl #1 In a horror movie
This is the best 30th birthday ever. In a Motel 6 drinking a shower beer and sending slow-mo dick helicopter videos to you.
I just took like 30 condoms from the doctors office... no one can say I don't try to save my money.
That would involve putting on clothes and I don't think I can face that right now.
Remember the Giant sandworm from the movie Dune? Well that's about how big his dick is. No bulshit.
Randomize
