1:32 am: your girlfriend looks like a man
1:48 am: your uglier
Thanksgiving. A stoners favorite holiday
Dude, we took our shirts off and set our chest hair on fire. That's a low point.
You raise a valid concern
I found this letter on my leg this morning "dear sober self- we are one body now. It's weird but get used to it because it already happened" who the fuck is lionman?
I don't listen when you talk. I just try to find new creative ways to get you to send me naked pictures.
I bet yours is gonna be filled with secret innuendo.
secret innuendo and cervical punches to the world.
I think I will always strangely appreciate as well as kick ass at stoned dishes. Like for the rest of my life. Thank you slave job at Starbucks.
You know you're hung over when the glare from the cream cheese on your bagel is just too bright...
Oh, and one of the worst parts... his name was Mario. I fucked a Nintendo character.
I sent my roommate a text from MY phone that said, "I don't know where my phone is." Must've been a good night.
All I wanted was to die alone with my dogs....how did I end up here
I don't know if I should laugh or punch you
I don't really care where everyone ended up, but is everyone alive and not in jail?
Not in jail
Alive?
the next morning we realized we didnt speak the same language... guess i subconsciously did learn a little german last semester. thanks study abroad.
ah the experiences a semester in Vienna can give you. Frau would enjoy knowing that even while sleeping during class you still managed to learn enough german to get laid
For some reason, my alarm clock was unplugged & in the kitchen microwave. I don't remember doing that...
Have you actually looked at the corn flakes box? I don't think the rooster has a soul.
Randomize
