Sometimes I wonder if we could be friends if we lived closer.
i paused nhl 10 while i jerked off and it was like a crowd was cheering me on
"Not only do I bring a guy back to my hotel room....But I bring one back for my friend who's passed out drunk. Now that's what we call BESTfriends"
You were pissed we didn't change the movie to Eurotrip so you kept singing "Scotty Doesn't Know" over and over until you passed out.
I don't think he wanted to hear that my most serious relationship was my 1 1/2 year fuck buddy... I think he figured out that's where he's heading
Can we please get through at least one night out when you DON'T threaten to have sex with one of my parents?!?!
In a bar surrounded by couples hooking up. I'm just staring at one. Not drunk enough. Come save me.
That's the ultimate walk-of-shame: running away from your own apartment and hiding in a McDonald's.
She didn't complain to the library attendant about us being too loud. She complained after you grabbed her highlighter off the table to stir vodka into your tumbler with.
You have not lived until you've had your brains fucked out on a broken down Tunnel of Love ride. Life is good.
Both guys that I'm dating were waiting for me in the parking lot after work. Literally the most awkward situation I have ever been in
we need to tell them stories about when happens when we're sober so they think they know what they're in for when they're actually completely unprepared for whn happens when we get drunk
Dad is celebrating turning 45 by being drunk in a department store before two o'clock.
I left my red butterfly dildo laying on my bedroom floor this morning....my landlord is currently showing the house to people. Fuck can't ever face him again.
she was just meowing in the corner eating frozen chicken nuggets
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