I totally have a Rabbi on speed dial now. Keep it Kosher.
I just peeled a layer of cum off my eyelid. Don't even tell me that's not why you came over
i was thoroughly upset that he did not want to be my number 16, who passes that number up?
I'm reciting my presentation (beer in hand) on the porch to a snowmen audience.
Throwing up out both ends. This is not how I pictured adulthood.
Who the fuck superglued glowsticks to my arm.
He just kept repeating "not with an octopus" over and over for hours. Soooooo Porn Dare was a succes.
He either works for the Irish Mob or I'm being Catfished
I think I'm going to give him a welcome back to single life blow job
All you need for a happy life is Jameson and slippers
it's like he didn't even know what a vagina was
My roommate wasn't home and I was too drunk and tired so I peed in the trash can. Twice.
I feel asleep with my contacts in, with my arms wrapped around a bottle of vodka. Also... Do we have class today?
when I finally sobered up enough to get out of bed this morning I went to talk to mom and forgot that I had TITS written in big letters on both my hands. I love drinking games.
Sorry I fucked your cousin. Again. I just wanted him to take me on his boat.
Randomize
