watching a tv show about cocaine.. just explained to my mom why the test monkey chose coke over food
I've decided that life's journeys are more fun when your moral compass hangs in front of you and swings with each step
I realized that I earned the name Classy cassie as i was throwing up vodka slushie in my bed with a guy I know by the name extacy boy
I walked into his room and he was naked with a half eaten pecan pie and a bottle of wine.
I keep confusing the name of her and her dog. Both are appropriate.
i forgot to brush my teeth before I went over so i went to the bathroom and started eating his toothpaste. we're still in the early stages of fuckdom
I would have cried, probably tears of wine, but cried nonetheless.
When that wave blew your top off I heard someone yell "SPANK BANK"
As a former fat girl, that's probably the best compliment I've ever received ever!
I'd like to thank you for ensuring I didn't die. Id also like to show you the most impressive bruise you will perhaps ever see
I have a tab of a google image search of onion rings open and it is making me so happy.
I'm gonna snort this pill I found on the ground cause that's how classy I am. Watch football and eat Beef jerky. Domesticated at its finest.
How are you feeling this morning?
Well, I just found day old puke in my bra, so I've been better.
you were so drunk that when the mouse on your laptop didnt work anymore you decided to just take it into the bathroom and pee on it while laughing like a mad scientist.
Had a job interview today. Walked into the room and said "IT'S GO TIME, BITCHES".
And it only took a fake engagement ring, a condom and a bowl of weed
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