You're my little dorito
I was able to overlook the Affliction tee until he took it off and there was another tattooed on his body.
Was it at least attractive minus the Gargoyles or skulls... or whatever affliction is putting out these days?
Even a greek god couldn't pull it off. Told him I like Ed Hardy Better. Death Before Dishonor, baby. I'm sure it was a painful blow. hopefully he understands sarcasm.
If I were a woman I'd fill my water bra with liquor so that I could sip on it throughout the day.
You kept buying everyone Washington apple shots, and telling us we needed to support local produce.
I'm at the gas station where we got beef jerky and condoms. The fact that those two are in the same sentence makes me love you more.
They were going around the house breaking things and screaming "Not my house!"
Don't byou dare ruin egg salad by putting your penis in it that would be so sad.
What's the most polite way to say "Congrats on losing weight, but no one is happy your boobs got smaller."
She was so morning drunk she asked the lady at brueggers for a bandaid and my self respect back
Every grown women needs to pee herself once in her life. It builds character.
So much rum. So many feels.
my life could not get any worse. just saw my sister in a porno
I just remembered you petting my nose last night to help the cocaine 'sink in'. I don't think that's how it works
You were passed out in the OutBack Bowl Shrimp costume and when we asked you wtf happened you just said On Wisconsin.
I remember eating bacon bits off your chest that night... I'll never look at bacon pizza the same way
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