omg, I know. It's so embarrassing that we've both had his penis in parts of our bodies
Hey a mouth doesn't really count. A vagina counts more.
she was bad bro. like...id rather put my dick in a blender. twice.
As it would turn out, "jesusssssss" is not the password to enter Faith Chapel's wifi network.
I woke up in what appears to be a taco bell graveyard in my bed.
I'm customer of the month for a 3rd time now at the Wine store. I've achieved so much in my life
She just said, "are my livers going to die?"
This was my thought process as I drunkenly ran home: Whoa! I'm going so FAST! Why don't I run EVERYWHERE! ALL THE TIME! Then I peed in a bush and passed out on the ground.
So basically you were a dog.
I think I am calling out of work due to a hangover. I'm 96% sure there ISN'T tampon stuck inside me.
Why is it that every study session with you turns into a hunt for drugs?
its 2pm. u awake yet?
ill text u back later. still peeling fingernail polish off my face.
I really have a thing for Greek chicks; I feel like while we are having sex she has the ability to make hummus which is just too appealing for me to pass up.
Just want to let you know thanks for setting the bar pretty low when it comes to girls.
I'll send you pictures of my nipples so you don't feel left out.
Just because I'm sleeping with him doesn't mean I'm in love with him, it means that I want to have sex with someone who isn't a serial killer.
I need to bang the neighbor boy. He’s given three women screaming orgasms this week alone.
Also, my apartment walls are too thin
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