How crunk are you?
I'm a Tom Selleck. Zero being Tipper Gore and max being the Bush twins
i just fell asleep at my computer and i woke up and in the google bar it said delicious foods to eat
as we were stuffing their 24 of beer into our bags you kept saying you wanted cheese strings. closest things we found were kraft singles. as the guys came up the stairs you kept screaming 'GET THE CHEESE! GET THE CHEESE!'
APPARENTLY giving your friend one of your shoes so that you avoid the no shoes no service rule makes you drunk...
Ummmm you know you're drinking vodka out of a Skittles bag, right?
How do i politely tell him his dick looks like it went thru a meat grinder?
Got laid last night using the intro line of "rate your hurricane evacuation plan on a scale of 1-10"
Just gave my pregnant cat a safe sex talk. That high.
I almost had to fight a bird, and you know how scared I am of birds. It found that Percocet that I lost in the grass last week, I threw out my back when I launched myself at that little fucker.
ON A SIMILAR NOTE MY DICK SIZE PSYCHIC SKILLS ARE SO GOOD
He was telling me how he was trying to grow up. And then 2 minutes later, he told me he was tripping on lsd for the first time.
What's rude is him not accepting my blowjob offer. What kind of guy denies that.
You were in the girls bathroom yelling at some random chick because you thought she stole all the urinals. That's why you were kicked out.
Dude just saw some some guy puke out of a car window on the highway going to school.
You started singing Baby Shark, screamed you have no idea how it goes, then somehow turned the beat into Bohemian Rhapsody
Randomize
