She stuck a Big Gulp bend-y straw up his ass to see if he could handle anal.
Ew, and?!
Well he couldn't and the deal was he had to drink something using it afterwards.
he's totally gay but hes wondering what hes missing out on. Im going to show him.
no pressure.
We did lines off of a Whitney Houston CD case. That makes everything okay.
My neighbor is on the his front porch in a robe dipping a popsicle into what appears to be vodka. I want to be his son.
EVERY guy that's EVER been in my vagina has texted me tonight for a booty call. Narrow it down to the greatest hits or just work in timeline order?
Moment of the day: as we leave the restaurant, she reaches into my pocket, pulls out her panties, and angrily marches to her car. I felt like a sketchy magician.
i sucked his cock and got snuggles in return. I'm the mother Theresa of giving in a relationship.
Nothing makes the walk of shame as great as disapproval from a mom getting ready for work
I wonder how many people saw me whip my junk out and bang it on the light post in front of holabird bar and liquors last night. I'm about tired of having to do that.
Nobody saw you except the people in the bar, because you weren't outside. You were inside, and you were smacking it on the mens bathroom door handle
I really hate whoever invented fireball.
I literally just want someone to fuck me and buy me cheeseburgers. I don't even want a relationship at this point. Just a chew toy and some food.
Every text my dad sends me is an AA mantra. Might be time to take a look at my life.
Dont worry, the Canadians are more afraid of you then you are of them.
I feel like I had a successful night. I flashed the guy at the liquor store last night for 2 free tshirts and a giant redbull.
Sorry I had sex in your backseat while everyone was in the car
It's quite alright. I found his shorts in my backseat, not sure what he was wearing when we dropped him off
Let's just face it you're going to have an arrangement with your future wife your fuck me on Thursdays
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