i wonder what megan fox's vagina feels like.
Heaven soaked bacon.
I was rubbing the clit just like wikipedia told me to.
Fyi mom and I voted and you're the DD tonight, congratulations
Its really not funny anymore. I need to stop shaving while i'm drunk
So i was told that i peed in the sink, had sex with a pillow and banged on a washer while singing idian chants
u know how some weekends you just wanna go out and ruin a relationship? this is one of those weekends
The goblet must only be used for good. And vodka. And anything t-pain would be proud of.
Had a student tell me he misses the old Four Loko. He's in 7th grade. No one is allowed to claim I started drinking too young ever again.
IT WAS SO BIG. I FORGOT GOD MADE THEM LIKE THIS.
Was my shirt on fire at any point last night? Because I'm fairly sure my shirt was on fire.
The problem is drunk me is completely unaware how poor I am
Pretty sure I love my nipple piercing more than I'll love my children someday
I think that's the first time I had "ass rimming" scroll across my phone at work
At about 2:30 i found you passed out in my closet with your face covered in cheese whiz
Can I borrow your pants?
WTH?
Just come to the men’s room and help me. The blonde bartender figured out I’m married. Rachel will definitely notice if come home pantsless
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