remind me tomorrow that nothing happen between me and the guy who's shirt i'm wearing
Is this going to be a big send off or a somber occasion? Just need to know if I should start drinking on the train or not.
I guess we had a small kitchen fire somehow when we decided to bake fruitroll ups and croutons...
Somebody was walking their dog with their car. seriously
Okay, thats embarrasing even by my standards and I've thrown up while wearing a viking hat. just a viking hat.
Just found a peacock feather in my car. Should I be the least bit concerned about this?
We shall study the pictures later and see if his penis is worth my time.
I can't come tonight. Someone took a shit in the dressing room. A.) Clean it up or B.) Kill myself. Text back with your answer.
Qdoba locked their bathrooms last night.. I suppose so people didn't pee all over them? I considered it counter productive considering I just peed on the outside of their building then. I had to pee
Went to a date party without a date and had a threesome wooops
I tore the muscle in my left calf at the gym and still spent all evening in heels. UNSTOPPABLE!
That moment when you cant decide between eating spaghetti or a Popsicle for breakfast
I didn't pay $79 for lingerie for you to cum in 30 seconds
Just for the record, I did not have sex in your bed. Happy 4th of July.
Ehh, the third backed out. Two still isn't bad. Who gets a bootycall to pick them up from a bootycall's house anyways? Only me.
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