Okay I'm all about any plan that ends with "We're gonna get you drunk."
Found my new morning breakfast spot. Hospital cafeteria. Nobody asks questions, they just assume shit went downnn
Well if I fail my finals for being drunk on Cinco De Mayo there is always next year to graduate.
You said that last year...
Hes still mad that I left the room mid-hookup to go get a pickle from the fridge.
I think it's safe to say taking shots on the way to the emergency room was rock bottom. We're going to need to think of ways to top that between now and next new years eve...
Florida has a way of just fucking with a person's soul and jizzing all over their hopes and dreams. Like existential bukkake.
Btw if you ever get emails that pretty much contain 'bwahhhhh jatkkvsweuo' it's safe to assume it's me.
Note to self, stop going out with self absorbed bisexuals
The second time he came it projectile shot in my ear
We were in a spooning position and it shot all the way up. He was like sorry. Physics.
Just asked my roommate if she needs one of my old pill bottles to hold her weed during our move tomorrow. What has grad school done to me?
Pro: Drunk Portland Strip Club. Con: Monday morning hangover at work. Pro: boobs. Con: Sleep deprivation. The Pro's are winning.
I would agree. Add some coffee to the booze. It will cut down on sleep deprivation.
woke up with empty beer can still duct taped into my fists and the word "dove" written on the back of my neck
My hair tie broke, stole my one-night stands daughters pink sparkly one. BEST hair-tie I have ever used...
Accidentally drunk dialed my mom last night. Started the conversation with "Where you at girl?"
Do you ever look at your life and go "i'm too sober for this bullshit"?
Every day of my life.
Randomize
