Just walked by a group of guys calling out walks of shame with a mega phone from their front porch.
Dudeeeee, i ordered strippers for my party.
I ordered a moonbounce.
Fuck, you win.
It's safe to say that our attempt at trying to fuck in the grand Sierra elevator was a bad idea.
Alright, my brain isn't sure how to properly function on a Wednesday with no hangover and more than 3 hours of sleep.
I told him I'd clean his cock if he ever sent my GF another text message. It was a horrific time for me to miss the l key on my iPhone.
I feel like if you're funneling natty lights on a Wednesday at 2:30pm at the apartment complex pool during finals week, you probably don't have your priorities straight.
I lost my bar virginty and made out with a dwarf. It was a good night
I thought my neighbors locked me out of the building. Then I remembered I was drunk. PUSH AND TURN.
In your alcohol circus, can my act be juggling men? Let's be real, I can juggle multiple dick buddies better than a professional
We both fell asleep mid-handjob and he continued to call it "handjob halftime".
I'm watching Netflix with my cats and eating homemade bread. Everyone and everything can go and fuck itself.
Um I got a ride home from the bar with two random boys and one tried to bang me on my parents riding mower
Autocorrect changes "sex" to "sec". I have been so long without it my phone thinks I made a mistake.
He made me come so hard I punched another hole in the wall mid orgasm.
I'm not fixing this one for you. Do it your own damn self.
We should write a country song: “Blacked Out on a Sunday”
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