i just ordered a pitcher of margaritas for me and a friend but she called and canceled. oh well, looks like im getting trashed alone.
the waiter who hardly speaks english told me "i go get your medicine now"
this medicine is soooo good.
"what do u think of parents raising kids to be peeping toms" said guy on bus 2 me
Shes in the fridge organizing my beer collection. I love having a girlfriend with OCD
Something strange is happening to me, I think I miss hooking up with girls sober
Put a customer on hold today while I threw up. If I don't get employee of the month, I'm suing.
he fucked me to the beat of the construction going on outside my house. i will never look at jackhammers the same ever again.
I just puked behind a tree outside work, then walked past my manager with puke in my hair. Man, I'm gonna miss this when I get a real job.
Just ate a chocolate chip cookie upside down. This is what having a degree does for you.
My vday gift was a joint bouquet, Finding Nemo on bluray, and a good shower fuck.
Um, WHAT A FUCKING KEEPER!
i am laugh crying so hard the guy next door stopped playing guitar
Okay. This morning the comforter was wet, you were underwearless and using a tiny blanket. What'd you do??
she fell THROUGH the wall. All in all id have to say that my neighbors where pretty chill about it tho.
Can cross "get fingered at a state park" off my bucket list
"Only you can prevent yeast infections."
Fuck you, dude, I'm not sharing my weed anymore if you're going for the Panthers.
went out to hit golf balls, ended up doing splits at the bar. you're a bad influence.
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