Rosebud was a fucking sled. Gay.
He asked me to sit on his face, but i didnt, for 2 reasons, one, i had just pooped like 20 mins before sex, and two, this could be my future husband. so i skipped on sitting.
I need a creepy friend to scare off the other creepy people
I would be honored to be that friend.
I feel like if I were on Intervention, I would have to be a season finale.
just because you are in college doesnt mean its okay to pregame easter mass.
Pretty sure I went to the bar in my bathing suit, sweat pants, and high heels.
The gyno asked how many partners i've had... I said ummmm she goes ok then i'll just put down ten.
I just remember her telling me "Hi, my names Kaissa and I'm a lesbian" over and over and over and over again as I was crying.
I mean, I know going to rehab probably didn't make her a lesbian, but I can always hope
She called me in the morning crying, but I was busy cleaning up bird guts, very hungover. It was a very surreal morning.
He's not actually Jewish. Turns out he just wears the yarmulke to cover his bald spot.
Nothing worse then being at the gym on the elliptical next to a guy looking at porn on his phone
You took a selfie with my hard dick and sent it to Scott with the caption 'Toldja'. It was hard to forget you're a teenager after that
Can't decide if it was more awkward buying sheets together or disposing of them afterwards
The one time I decide to bring people over you are laying naked on the coffee table watching the ceiling fan cause "it just moves so fast" I'm guessing you got paid today??
Randomize
