I woke up at 2 in my clothes with a defrosted steak in my pocket, no drinky this week at all.
she actually told me to ignore the cokeheads in the corner with knives.
I keep telling girls I work at the carnival and then guessing their weights. I'm pretty sure I'm about to get kicked out.
I tried giving you a bj last night and all you could manage was "Haha that tickles" and "in the morning"
I'm hungover in the park, and some guy just handed me a business card for his church. I can feel Jesus' disapproval running through my fingertips
Exactly. So you're exempt under the "I can't just fuck her to make it go away" clause of 2010.
This little shit keeps eating the playdoh so i replaced the green with wasabi from work. Wonder what his parents are gonna think when he burns his soft palette?
Jus saw ur date getting a bj in the mcdonalds parking lot...u want anything?
speaking of festive, i made out with a guy in a leaf pile last night. happy fall?
I sent him a tit pic with the caption, "Mt. Arie and Mt. Hola are ready for expedition." Too nerdy?
I hope you get eaten by satanic starfish.
So my booty call knows your bf. Apparently they were in jail together
I never thought I'd have to apologize for tasting like absinthe and cheetos before tonight
Next time I take edibles I'm getting chipotle to cater the event
In 18 months of being married we've had sex with 7 different couples. Who said you can't have your cake and eat it.
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