So I have exactly 420 dollars saved up in tips from the past week. I win, and I take that as a sign from god that I am allowed to use that money to buy drugs.
I didn't realize how hung over I was until I rolled over and the world rolled over with me.
some random kid just walked into our apartment with two cases... I don't know who he is but I like him
You leave a trail of fuck everywhere you go
Wouldn't be the first time..I think there's a subliminal message constantly playing in my mind that says 'blackout', 'throwing up is fun' 'too sober'
You missed a lot. I drank contact solution thinking it was water, vodka thinking it was water and some unidentified substance that reminded me of pine sol thinking it was water..
Listen, it's not like I meant to bust the window out. It just sort of happened. And I'm also sorry for stealing your dads bandanas.
He just climbed off me and used my hairspray to fix his hair. If he hadn't just gone down on me I would think he's gay.
I pull out like 90% of the time, but that's just to make art.
and it seems i've caught your masturbating bug. thanks.
I was grinding on people that were grinding. Nonconsensual.
I wanted him to come me this time. So I told him last time I was in the city I hit a lady on the head with an inflatable Santa Claus and just found out that the restraining order she requested against me was granted. We never hung out.
the first cop to show up was this girl who hooked up with our home ec teacher in high school, she knows about questionable decisions
this new dose of ADD meds is totally being waisted with the unemployed new graduate thing if only I could add my hyper focused side effects to a coverletter
Listen gotta draw the line somewhere. Apparently that line is at my nuts.
Randomize
