we'll penetrate his innocence with our dicks
does wine, beer, and vodka mix well??
dude, everything can mix, this is college.
She said she could kiss it, just not put it in her mouth. Because that would be cheating..
i can't, i'm blowing bubbles in class and getting credit for it
Went to my car this morning. Found a waffle from Waffle House in the front seat. No idea how it got there. So hung over I ate it.
You're surprisingly coherent for someone who thinks her couch is breathing.
So when I got her home I realized being a lesbian again isn't like riding a bike...
im taking a nap outside. wake me up in an hour.
way to go to work and not wake me up. when you get home youre rubbing me with aloe and giving me a blowjob. no excuses
The chick working the drive through at BK on New Years stuck her head out the window and told me there were no line ups for the bathrooms inside so i should go in there. I just kept squatting and peeing and told her it would prob help business.
I was informed that last night we held hands while puking on the curb outside the bar.
We just have a real special relationship.
Fucking her would be like seeing big foot, finding a four leaf clover , petting a unicorn, and arm wrestling a leprechaun in a matter of a 6 hour period
There is booty call etiquette, and he just isn't following it. I'm not making you breakfast, gtfo.
High me just had to pick the lock on my sisters room because I locked my vodka in there. I love vacation.
YOU HAVE BEEN BAD TOUCHED BY THE LEPRECHAUN OF CHOICES
It was extremely weird and uncomfortable mid blow job she looks up and says " tell me Simon Cowell makes your dick hard"
Randomize
