when does round two start
I don't know, I gave up bartenders for lent
So you started off by saying "no homo," but patting his crotch and saying his jeans fit him wonderfully may have overshadowed that.
It was my first time buying condoms at the liquor store... I was nervous and there were quite a few people, so I tried to do it as quickly and quietly as possible. When I got to the Indian cashier, he took one look at them and said loudly, "Ohhh you gonna get it on tonight, ah?!"
just looked at his mug shot... not really my type
We really need to check into harvesting part of our liver now
I HOPE YOURE READY TO KICK SOME SERIOUS ASS AT TRIVIA NIGHT TOMORROW NIGHT. also, i hope the birth of your niece goes well. BUT MOSTLY TRIVIA NIGHT.
after giving head I just always feel like I need like. ice cream. as both a means of getting the lingering sperm out of my mouth, and a congratulations.
i just deleted him from my phone. and yes... I did just text you this from less than 20 feet away.
I'm not judging.. I sure as hell am not getting out of my bed to come talk to you about this. but i support your decision
Just bought shock top, Trojans, double shots and baby oil. At 8 am. While the lady in front of me bitched about her expired coupons.
Thanks for setting a pic of your balls as my desktop background. You'll find you're cc'ed on the mass email of it.
You sent me a snapchat of you hugging a beer with the caption "best friend"
Um. Did you take a picture of me with a giant dildo after we went bowling?
I'm sorry I called your mother a reasonably-priced receptacle.
The CEO is puking on the sidewalk and the HR director just offered me coke. Engineers have the best parties
There are flour footprints all over the house. Either u guys are trying to pull that Paranormal Activity shit on me again, or u got drunk and tried to make pancakes.
Randomize
