Haven't eaten in 11 hrs. I am gonna have so much material to talk about with anorexic girls now
Seriously, I'm delusional. Idk how these models even walk on the runway
I'm half single.
Please tell me it's the bottom half.
You can't hide fat with big sunglasses.
Good seeing you too. Don't worry, you didn't miss out on too much last night. We went to a place where there was supposed to be a wet t-shirt contest, but it was more like two ugly girls dancing around on stage in white shirts. Everyone just wanted them to leave so the band could keep playing
We thought we had lost her until we found her in the bushes a block away singing "Jingle Bells".
what's with the bloody hand print on the hood of your car
Whos eating a bunch of acid and watching fireworks tomorrow? This guy. Thats who.
Do they mail horrible human being awards or do I have to pick it up or what's the protocol on that shit
I arrived home at 7am wearing nothing but my underwear and a fedora. I ate half a dozen deviled eggs. Put Katy Perry on repeat. And cried myself to sleep. We cannot go out on Thursday anymore
Dude, you kicked in the door to get to a six-person orgy while yelling "I JUST WANT TO LEARN!!"
He compared my blow job skills to finding gold treasure in a gold chest, so there's that.
I can't ever look his wife in the eye again. She will see right through my soul to his dick pic.
I have a tattoo that says Yolo. You should not have been asking my advice in the first place
If you're doing something that makes your best friend lock you in a bathroom you shouldn't be doing it
i can believe you didnt get any, i was wing-girling the shit out of him
all you did was repeatedly scream GET IT IN
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