Remember that sex scene from American Psycho?
Ya, why?
We should try that some time.
I feel miserable, can't drink that much when I go out
We've been saying that since '98
guys are not supposed to queef...right?
Im a photoshop master, i successfully reduced the size of the pupils of all the girls I made out last night with to prove they were not that drunk. So glad the camera goes home with me.
We were debating whether rain water is clean enough to drink. I won when he started throwing up.
You know how hard it is to drive a dirtbike down a road with 2 plants of weed on your lap. Fucking hard
He got completely naked and is now just standee there next to my bed poking at my hamster. Why can't I get sex the normal way.
I've lost all respect for marriage since I joined this bachelor party.
Honestly I think at this point I purposefully schedule nothing on Sundays anymore so I can spend all day wallowing in my shame.
I learn from experience and I experienced what it would be like to completely lose my mind and then wake up with a stab wound.
If she "comes out" to me I guess I'll high five her. That's pretty much my response to everything these days.
I have got to move on from this "sleeping with every drug dealer I meet" phase.
I have sent texts to the pizza delivery guy telling him he was beautiful. Oh and you almost got a ticket for pissing in public. And I smell like cheese.
There’s a stripper dressed like a slutty pilgrim. Is that a thing?
Somehow, walking in on your drunk mom in a diaper was the least traumatic thing I saw last night
Randomize
