I woke up this morning with 2 australian chicks passed out in my living room, a whole bunch of coke on my kitchen counter and I have no idea how the fuck either thing got there
Girl next to me just ralphed in a bag. Congrats class of 2010
Woke up on the floor holding a sandwich. Shots. Never again.
Paying 5 grand for boobs is saving me like 10 grand in weed
I don't know which part of you thought this was funny but it's fucked up to wake up in that much fluff and now we don't have a couch. Fuck you.
Drinking, I should not. Got here I don't know. Still drunk, I am. At courtneys.
And is it bad that I haven't talked to guys who I haven't already dated? I feel like a recycle bin.
She sucks enough dick that I could make her mouth a legitimate Yelp location.
Man my junk looks like a mangled grapefruit right now, this shit sucks.
Woke her up in the middle of the night with the smell from a fart. So proud of my colon.
Ryan friended me on LinkedIn and it took everything in my power not to endorse him for sexual dysfunction as a skill.
Denim handjobs are the worst handjobs. I hate all handjobs. Why do people even.
It's the third day of class and I got told I smell like a distillery.
There is a wine bar at this airport that it is currently full of mid-40s women reading their Kindles. I'm attracted to all of them.
It's 11 A.M.
You know what, I think I will
Why would you ask him if you could lick his chest?
He has a very lickable chest
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