You'd love this place it's beautiful. Plus these people smell like garlic
Charged a drink to your name last night. Thanks for the whiskey
I had a dream you and I were having sex. It was pretty romantic.... until you started pulling out toys.
Sarah Palin just quit. Happy Independence day!
God Bless America!
my clit piercing makes the metal detector go off
He keeps asking where i got my clothes and accessories. i'm not sure if he wants to fuck me, or go shopping.
Im beginning to think that if I ever write an autobiography it will have to be mostly fill in the blank.
I just got a Community College debit card in the mail. My failure has been materialized.
I mean you were pretty drunk at one point you asked if we could have a glass of water ready for you in case you choked while bobbing for apples, but you said grape juice was preferable. You can't choke on an apple btw
Idk. The last coherent text said something about $25 & dimes. And then...it's just letters...
OK. i'm going to add "riddle me this, brodawg" to the list of things i'm never gonna say to my boss again while i'm high.
We bought only tequila and Twister. And you're STILL surprised you got pregnant?
I'll be the Broncos and you be the Seahawks and you can pound the shit out of me.
The stripper started talking about murdering people....that lapdance turned dark.....
I kept yelling "BY ORDER OF THE PEAKY FUCKING BLINDERS" in a terrible brummie accent at everyone I saw wearing a flatcap.
Randomize
