Obv we're gonna bbm each other in bed
why cant girls ever use the fly? why do they always have to awkwardly try to pull it over your belt?
you kept lifting my skirt up, yelling "PANTY PARTY". needless to say, you're at the top of my father's shit list right now.
I'm taking last night back. It officially didn't happen. Tell your friends.
Of course he got arrested. He was wearing a toga. Even Tom Hanks couldn't act sober in a toga.
I just discovered the Reese's pieces and sourdough bread sandwich. No signs of coming down.
i just want to attach a dildo to the ceiling and ride it like a gay spiderman.
It sounds like drunken magic sprinkled w narcotics
Glad to know I rate above a cabbage on the parenting scale.
I'm not sure what your ex was trying to say to me I was too busy chanting your name in his face
He's hot, you can get laid, and you may get free drugs. It's the trifecta of banging a drug dealer
I can't hang out tomorrow. A boy wants to feed me ice cream and touch my boobs. Priorities.
I feel you. I woke up butt naked on top of my sheets with a plate of cheese next to my bed...
This week I fucked a police officer and called both the Senators from the state I'm in and the one I'm moving to. What have you done since the election?
ill give you some hints: blood, carnival, fog machine, happy meal.
Randomize
