..Thats also how I think I got the lyrics from MIAs Paper Planes Sharpeed on my ass? Maybe.
woke up in a garbage bag. literally. it was used as a sleeping bag.
Made a visit to my old puking stall. I missed it.
My mom just set up beer pong in the dining room for family game night. and you ask why I'm still living at home.
she had that "i just got used" look on her face when i kicked her out at 5am
I'm going to die alone in a sea of empty vodka bottles and cats.
I don't care. I'll text you about my butthole whenever I please. That's what you signed up for in this relationship.
Are you responsible for the syringes and miniature cactus garden that has magically taken over my fridge?
My boss just told me not to come back to work if I decide to drink. Challenge accepted.
Yeah! I was just fired because there was an over hire and the new girl is hotter than me. Seeing as how the new girl is my baby sister I think punching my manager is excusable.
I'd apply for another job, but "staring out windows crying" is not a hot qualification right now.
You drunkenly promised dick pics on your way out the door and then never delivered. I don't know how I'll ever be able to trust you again.
OMG I WAS JUST THINKING ABOUT HOW OUR FRIENDSHIP IS SO REAL BECAUSE I SHOW YOU DICK PICS AND WE LAUGH TOGETHER.
I am so horny that I an legitimately concerned for your safety when I see you tonight.
I'm going to get drunk, come back, call my grandma, and eat all those scrambled eggs.
Randomize
