yeah for some reason your penis didn't fit in my mouth the other day
omg. why did you never tell me how amazing shitting and smoking is?
i thought this knowledge was automatically promulgated at the age of eighteen?
you drank 3/4s of your half gallon of vodka, made a fort out of the kitchen table, and actaually had sex in in it.
I am intoxicated and cannot bring you a burrito. However, if you want to bring ME one...
I have just two goals for this NYE. 1) get so drunk that every guy looks like Clive Owen 2) make out with as many Clive's as possible.
I realized I'm gonna have to fit cheating on my gf, sleeping with my gf and having dinner with her parents all into one Sunday evening
Stumbled into class and into a desk. When I fell my bottle broke in my backpack. I had to leave there was vodka everywhere.
Lol. No. We cannot eat chicken while we have sex. No.
I actually kinda like her but everyone else hates her, so consider it a third party grudgefuck.
I've started a list of places i want to drink. To go along with the list of places i want to have sex. Lincoln's log cabin is on both.
Threw up on the baby. National Tequila Day is the eve of National I'm A Horrible Nanny Day.
You know those twins i had a crush on in grade school? Just woke up between them. Best. Party. EVER.
She brought over her portable harddrive and we dueled with porn. This relationship is too beautiful to last.
I just got St Patricks day and the day after St Patricks day off, wich I'm pretty sure is as close to a raise as I'll ever get.
You know i love you, but i just cannot fuck you until your eyebrow grows back. It's too hard not to laugh.
Randomize