I woke up at 5am and he was watching me sleep... Come get meee!!??
i am devastated. she was DTF and I was about to puke, i told her to wait outside my room for a second. Puked. Passed out woke up, she was gone. Found puke stains on my keyboard that seem to spell out youporn....
Does he know anything about your personal life besides what you look like without clothes on?
Dude this stripper just dry humped the settings off my phone. She earned that dollar
You have not lived until you've seen your mother stumble into the house with one shoe on mumbling incoherently about tequila cupcakes.
If you can get laid in a rudolph onesie you are doing something right my friend.
He made me eat donuts off his dick. donuts, jen. DONUTS.
You know, I've never slept in a rug with anyone before you
She just drunkenly falls over and yells " I lost my footing!" in a british accent and then proceeds to run into the wall... did you spike her water?
I don't know man, I woke up and shes here acting like she knows me, wearing my clothes, and scrambling eggs in my kitchen. I don't know her.
You were drinking with me last night, I warned you.
By far the fardest thing to do drunk is open a band aid
It's my birthday, dammit, and I'm getting something for free. I don't care if it's just a drink at the bar.
YOU CAN GET THIS DICK FOR FREE
Ohhh the usual. Laying in bed reflecting on my decisions
go for it girl, the world is ur dick oyster
We were looking everywhere for you and I finally found you in the closet talking to a build a bear.. So I gave you and myself another drink
Randomize
